How to Handle Living on Another Planet Than Everyone Else
On the outside, I look like a normal twenty something. I live in a run of the mill, one bedroom apartment in a boring commercial neighborhood. I dress pretty normal and sport a nice buzz cut hair style. I drive a car that blends right in with my peers. I even travel here and there like my recent trip to California along with a planned trip in 3 weeks to Florida. Things look pretty normal from the outside looking in. Sure, I am a tightwad, but all in all, it looks as if I'm just a tad thrifty and tend to clip coupons to save a few bucks here and there.
The thing that I'm afraid to break to these friends, peers, colleagues and even in some case, family, is "I live on a different planet than you". I don't mean for this to come off as arrogant and I'm certainly not implying that I'm better than anyone here. It's just that I can't tell them the full scale of what I'm doing because I'm living on a different planet.
So how does a person who's living on half or less of their income live in a world that spends everything they make? Here's how it's done:
Keep It To Yourself
Telling your friends and family that you want to become financially independent in your 30's is sure to shock their system. Although we know that it's possible and that others have either already done it (Mr. Money Mustache), or are making serious progress towards achieving it (Dividend Mantra), regular people just don't understand the things we humans can accomplish when we put our everything into it. And since people just can't seem to handle the shock this craziness gives them, it's best if you keep your crazy plans of early retirement/financial independence on the down low.
Write About It
Even though most people can't seem to handle the craziness of you taking your life by the horns and changing it forever, there are others out there who want to hear about it. Some people want to know if what they're feeling is okay. Sometimes, people are looking for inspiration. There are people out there who will seek out what you have to say and who's lives you can impact by sharing your story, your "why" behind what you're doing and your progress on making your goals happen. When I started to bore my family and friends by talking about saving money after getting out of debt, I turned to my new blog as a channel to talk about what I was doing. None of my real life family or friends wanted to hear about this. But luckily, there are thousands of people like you and me out there who apparently do want to hear about it. So I say, start a blog (get my free video series on how to get started) so you can talk about all the great stuff you're doing in your life. There are people who want to hear about it and you can help people change their lives by sharing your story.
Develop Friendships with People Like You
A few months back, I reached out to Jason from Dividend Mantra to say hi. I connected with his blog and his story. We're on similar paths. He's around my age, works full time, saves over half of his income and has plans to reach financial independence/early retirement within the next 10 years. What a coincidence because that sounds a lot like my position. We're now pretty good friends and we'll be meeting for the first time in Florida next month. He's a great person to talk to about all of this. When I'm on a different planet than everyone else I know here, he helps me feel like I'm on the right path anyway. When you're doing crazy things to achieve the lifestyle you really want to live, you need to partner up with friends who will encourage you and motivate you to keep going. Regular people who aren't "into" the stuff you're into won't offer much in the way of encouragement. Make sure to reach out and build these friendships.
Help Others Move to Your Planet
Little by little, I've persuaded people in my life to live differently. No one I know has completely adopted my strategy on going all in to achieve financial freedom, but I have definitely influenced change in people for the better. My sister and brother in-law just got out from under the soul crushing weight of debt this month. They did it over the course of the past few years while having two kids (my sister has stayed home with them) and with my brother in law finishing up his college degree (while being the breadwinner). What the....? Yes, they kicked it. They are debt free now and I influenced it. How awesome is that? If you're doing awesome things and you can't help but spill a little of the inspiration and persuasion out on those who are willing and able to pick up on it, by all means do it. You'll likely help those people change their lives. What better thing is there?
Always Respect Others and Their Decisions
I try real hard to not come off as the preacher type. I also try not to judge others. Obviously, I disagree with the spend/work/spend rat race and am paving my own path out of it, but what about those who are happy on that path? Good for them. You won't hear me judging people and calling them names because they choose to buy big houses or BMW's with their paychecks. I won't do it and I don't believe it's good for you to do it either, but who am I to judge? Do what you want and I'll do what I want. I respect people who spend all their money. I just choose not to live like that. This blog and my attitude in general is one of helping people who want to be helped and letting everyone else alone. Go spend your money and live your life normal people. Just don't ask that I live that way. I value respect and treating people kindly, no matter how they choose to live their lives. I think there's enough nastiness and hate out there. That is not who I am and I wouldn't recommend being like that to anyone.
It's tough living on a different planet from those you interact with. But dangit, I keep at it because I know I am making my future better and that's worth everything to me. Sometimes, the things that are the hardest are the best for you. No, actually that's almost always the case, isn't it?
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23 Comments
- Mai says:April 30, 2013 at 8:05 AM
Thanks for writing this post. I really needed it today, and I agree with what you wrote about finding people who are into the same things you are for encouragement. When you're passionate about something outside the norm of society, some people are going to judge you and call you obsessed or ask why you continue when you're at a "good" place already. They can't understand why you keep striving and that can be really hard when it's close friends or family. So yes, sometimes it's better to keep it to yourself and find other outlets to express your passions.
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:May 5, 2013 at 12:09 PM
Mai, I'm so glad you appreciated this post and that it spoke to you. I know that you know what I'm talking about here as you're very passionate about your health and physical fitness. I'm sure it's tough to keep going with your goals when others aren't supporting you or telling you that you're going overboard. We'll figure out how to reach our goals regardless though!
- krantcents says:April 30, 2013 at 9:43 AM
Before I started blogging, I thought I was the only one! Now, I know that there are others out there although we are not quite alike. Maybe it is because personal finance is so open to take whatever path you want. I achieved financial freedom 28 years ago in my late thirties. What are your long range goals after you achieve it?
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:May 5, 2013 at 12:06 PM
KC, Yes, we are all so similar (us FI pursuers), yet we are all different in our own little ways. That's a great question. I want to start my own business and I'd love to be able to do what I'm passionate about regardless of whether I am profitable or not. Other than that, I'm not sure, but I do see the value in figuring this out before I get there. I wouldn't want to be one of those people who achieve FI just to be anxious about what they do from here out.
- April 30, 2013 at 4:50 PM
I haven't told any of my family and friends about this new journey, except for my wife. I don't know if I ever want to go completely out there, because I like the anonymity that the internet provides. I don't ever try and judge people but it sure does confuse me sometimes when I see those around me doing what I consider to be strange things with money. But it's their life and I respect their choices like I want them to respect mine.
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:May 5, 2013 at 12:03 PM
JC, Wow, I don't know how you can keep all this as quiet as you do. I have a tough time not telling everyone I know. I suppose it's because we're on a different planet than most people. I can see how that would deter you from opening up about your direction and intentions. I'm with you on your decision to respect others, even when they do what seems to us to be completely crazy. But, they think the same way about us too and we wouldn't appreciate their judgements either. Good stuff.
- Dividend Mantra says:April 30, 2013 at 8:01 PM
Kraig, I hear you brother. We're definitely on a different planet. But I think we're on a pretty sweet planet with kick ass benefits like 30-40 years of 52-week vacations and pursuing your life in a manner that most befits you, based on what you want (rather than what an employer wants for you). Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad that you reached out and I'm proud to call you a friend. It's great to talk to you, knowing you know exactly how I feel and visa versa. I'm definitely looking forward to meeting you and Katie. It's going to be an epic time. And maybe I'll refrain from trying to talk you into moving here to Florida (no state income tax, nice weather to live a car-free lifestyle, awesome free outdoor activities, etc. etc.)! :) Best wishes.
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:April 30, 2013 at 11:06 PM
DM, Great points about moving to Florida. I especially like the no state income tax thing. Glad to have you on this planet with me. You're right about the awesome benefits. They are going to be awesome and I can't wait.
- Nightvid Cole says:November 9, 2013 at 7:59 PM
Living in Florida is insane. The hurricane risk is too high and no one in their right mind should go for such madness.
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:November 11, 2013 at 2:01 PM
Nightvid, Yes, that's true, but dang it's pretty down there... and warm. Positives and negatives... Take care,
- Phoebe says:April 30, 2013 at 11:02 PM
Great post! I am right there on that alien planet with you and it's nice to know there are other people out there!!!
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:April 30, 2013 at 11:03 PM
Phoebe, Great to hear from you. I've been reading your posts as well. Keep up the good work! I'm glad there is company on this planet!
- Laurie @thefrugalfarmer says:May 3, 2013 at 6:09 AM
Kraig, great post. We're on our own little planet too in terms of what we're doing to eliminate our debt. It's difficult sometimes, as you mentioned, b/c people think you're just nuts for pursuing your goals so intensely! I know the blogging world friendships we've formed is probably the only thing that's kept us on our path.
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:May 4, 2013 at 1:57 PM
Laurie, Thanks for stopping by. It's funny that people think we're nuts for pursuing financial independence so intensely, but if we were pursuing raises and promotions at work, a higher education or something that required us to spend a bunch of money to achieve, people would be all about our intensity. It's weird how when it is something "out of the ordinary", people aren't as supportive. Luckily, we have each other and our blog readers to encourage and empower us!
- Maggie@SquarePennies says:May 3, 2013 at 8:26 PM
You are spot on with these observations. I find that it's just too foreign for most people to wrap their minds around that you can intentionally save such a high per centage of your income. Also it's a kind of challenge to their own approach of spending it all. People don't like to be challenged. I also enjoy having a frugal living blog to share what works for me without having to be careful how I phrase things. It's great to be able to have that outlet to talk with like-minded folks. I have had others sometimes ask what our secret is to doing so well. When I tell them what we do, they usually can't relate. But a few do and it's kind of sweet when that happens. We are retired, and I have to tell you that your approach can only bring you more choices in life and lots of rewards. More power to you! We did it and have never regretted it!
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:May 4, 2013 at 1:52 PM
Hi Maggie, Great point that our lifestyle is a "challenge" to the norm. It certainly could be that people instantly get defensive when we tell them we're saving huge amounts our income on purpose to change our future. It's as if they feel they have to defend their lifestyle. "No, that's impossible/dumb/idiotic/selfish/etc." I know people don't like to think they're going about this "money thing" the wrong way. I don't believe there is a "wrong way", but I do believe one way keeps you in the rat race and one way brings you freedom. I choose freedom. If everyone else chooses the rat race, fine. But don't expect me to run that losing battle with you. I'll come check out your site. It is a great outlet having a blog to write about all this good stuff on. Congrats on being retired! I hope you'll come back here and share your thoughts again soon!
- Maggie@SquarePennies says:May 5, 2013 at 5:23 PM
Kraig, I keep thinking about your post. It takes a strong person to resist the criticism of our friends. Feeling like you are from another planet is one way to deal with it, but it's still tough. Many choose to be secret savers or secretly frugal to avoid dealing with the criticism. I'm reading a book that has something to do with this & will be posting about it soon. Thanks for helping me think about this & I hope to see you around Square Pennies!
- May 4, 2013 at 5:46 AM
Only a couple of friends actually know that I'm saving 50% of my income and trying to hit financial independence via investing - but I don't think they really get it or believe me. Everyone else probably just thinks that I'm cheap or boring.
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:May 4, 2013 at 1:47 PM
MFIJ, That sounds like a good strategy to only tell a couple people about what you're really doing. Interesting how you point out that you don't think most people believe you when you say you're striving for FI. I suppose most people who I tell don't believe me either and that's a good reason why I don't bother getting into it. Like I said, most people are on a different planet that us and they wouldn't even understand, even if they weren't in a deep state of shock.
- ES says:May 4, 2013 at 8:54 AM
Great website! My husband and I live in the Minneapolis/St Paul metro and I'm glad there are other people "on our planet" around here--we save over half of our income too! Keep up the good work :-)
- Kraig @ Young Cheap Living says:May 4, 2013 at 1:45 PM
ES, Welcome, fellow Twin Cities dweller! Glad to have you here! Congratulations on also saving over 50% of your income. Is obviously isn't normal these days. It's comforting knowing that others from this area are like me. Hope to see you around here again in the future.
- CashRebel says:May 6, 2013 at 6:15 AM
Kraig, I definitely know what you mean. I've never told anyone in the real world my plans because I don't feel like having that conversation... When it comes to respecting other people's decisions, it gets hard sometimes. My Mom keeps talking about leasing a BMW now that she's retired. They have enough money, so I shouldn't stand in her way, it just feels wasteful to me.
- Kyle @ Debt Free Diaries says:May 6, 2013 at 2:10 PM
Sometimes I feel as if I'm on another planet as well! There was a time where few people I knew wished to accomplish the same goals as me (get out of debt, retire early, etc.) and it was so weird to hear some of the comments from people who didn't think similarly. Since then my girlfriend and I have surrounded ourselves with more people who DO think similarly and want us to succeed and it's made a world of difference.
